THE BIRTH OF THE LION -PART II- THE DESIRE FOR LIBERATION
Abridged Version (26 % of the integral text)
You often talk about the one true desire. What is this true desire, this one desire among all desires?
The true and only desire of a human being is to be free, to be happy, to be at peace. It is the desire to be free of any limitation and to melt into one’s true source, to return to the source from which the thinking mind seems to have separated. Not only when the body dies, but now. It is possible to recognize the origin of yourself now! But to recognize it, you must really have the desire for it. There is nobody, least of all God, to refuse your ultimate and absolute desire. Nobody would refuse you this desire because it is your birthright that this desire be fulfilled. Anyway, there has never been anyone to refuse you a desire. The reason this illusion of unfulfilled desires appears the way it does is because you are not aware of your hidden desires. That is all.
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How do I get the recognition of “Now”? It always seems to me that there must be a path leading there, even though everybody says there is no path.
You have to ask yourself what it is you really want. To intellectually understand that everything you experience as reality, past and future, is an illusion, is of no use to you.
Everything that happens to you and that you call your life is an expression of your subconscious desires and comes into existence because your attention is directed towards it. The problem is that hardly anyone knows what he or she really wants. What is your deepest desire? As long as you are not ready to contact your deepest desire, as long as you are not ready to experience it directly without knowing what it really is or filtering it through your spiritual concepts, you will fall victim to the temptation of other desires, desires that will ultimately create some form of suffering.
My teacher, Gangaji, has described how she passed through different layers of these desires. There was the desire for a child and the belief that the child would make her happy. Many years later, it became apparent that wasn’t it. Then the desire appeared to have a career as a healer and an acupuncturist. Everything went perfectly, and it again required some time until she really understood that this wasn’t it either. And finally she came to the point of understanding that everything she had tried until then was ultimately futile, that ultimately she had not attained this total fulfillment she had originally longed for. This was the moment she inwardly let go of everything and knew that she could not carry on like this, that she needed a teacher. A teacher is nothing but a reflection of your own heart.
The past cannot be released as long as you are not aware of the hidden and partly infantile desires of the past. Perhaps you still carry the desire that your father will finally love you or finally apologize to you. There are infinite facets of desires continuously maintained on a hardly perceptible emotional level.
But where does all this lead you? Obviously, you must have one final desire, and you must have some consciousness about this desire, otherwise you would not have come here tonight. You could just as well have gone to the movies instead. Ask yourself, What do I really want? This question leads you deeper.
I want to come home.
Yes, to come home. What is your home? Your home is Here. It is not in the past. It is not in the future. It is not in the present. It is Here. It is not outside. It is not inside. It is Here. As soon as you try to understand, you are no longer Here. As soon as you make any effort to be here, you are no longer Here. You are already here. You can do nothing about it. Rather, it is about giving up what you continuously try to do in order not to be Here.
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Every identification you burden yourself with has a firm hold on your longing to be free. Everything you have made part of your life is a burden on your freedom. Why have you burdened yourself with identifications? Because you have certain motivations for it. In other words, you have a certain desire for it because you want something from it. As long as you want something from it, you lose the energy for wanting freedom. It is as if your whole energy, your will, the true will of the Self, has split and dispersed into all directions on the most diverse levels. To become one with one’s core, you must get this true will back again.
Direct this longing for freedom toward that which cannot be lost, that which is unknown, that which you don’t understand, and to which you can only surrender. I can assure you that there is no danger, no possibility of anything going wrong. That life can be wrong is also just one of the many commentaries made by fear; that God does the wrong things at the wrong time, that God doesn’t take care of you, that God doesn’t like you, and so on. There is no possibility of anything going wrong. Just let the mind continue to relax.
The thought, “I want to be free,” is absolutely rare. Most people don’t have any interest in it. When this thought becomes more powerful than everything else you experience, more powerful than any other thought, more powerful than any make-believe reality of your life, when this thought seizes all the power and becomes a longing, then, as Poonjaji expressed it, this thought is already freedom itself.