THE BIRTH OF THE LION -PART II- SUFFERING
Abridged Version (35 % of the integral text)
What we call suffering is like a roller coaster: When negative phenomena arise, we feel bad, and when positive phenomena arise, we feel good. Suffering has a wavy quality, a changing identification between the positive and the negative. The moment you identify with euphoric feelings, for instance if you have won a lottery prize, you are subconsciously already identifying with negative feelings, for example the fear of loss. At their core, every positive feeling contains a negative feeling, and every negative feeling contains a positive feeling.
There are certain phenomena or dream sequences that tempt you to leave the truth of yourself more than others do. You do not really leave the Self, it only appears to you like that. And if it appears to you like that, I can tell you, you do it voluntarily. There is this interplay between the forces interested in suffering and the forces interested in authentic and complete liberation. There seems to be such a strain and struggle, and frequently you cannot distinguish between the two forces. The problem is that the forces interested in suffering are frequently disguised as forces interested in happiness. If the forces interested in suffering were gross enough to always bring you suffering, quite obviously, you would say, “No, thank you,” and reject them. But the exact difficulty is that these forces are capable of deception.
For instance, the forces of suffering can appear as deceptions by pretending to fulfill certain desires that you had hoped would be fulfilled. This roller coaster is maintained by more unfulfilled desires. It is the eternal duality, the eternal polarity, the eternal dichotomy that a desire that seems positive to you always has a negative core. I call this negative core a built-in, automatic igniter. It is a subconscious strategy of non-fulfillment, for desires are never fulfilled in exactly the same way or forever.
The truth is that you continually identify with phenomena and things to which you attach some kind of desire, no matter whether these things are inside or outside. If there are no unfulfilled desires, there is no identification. This organism is nothing but a body of desires. It is composed of the desires of the thinking mind. Now that you recognize you have this body of desires, what happens next? To be ready to face these false desires, you need absolute truthfulness, for it is not pleasurable to face these desires. It isn’t necessarily pleasurable to admit that you have always only pretended to want to get rid of fear when in reality you have attached hidden desires to it. It isn’t necessarily comfortable to admit with this kind of clarity that you have always pretended to want to get rid of guilt when in actuality you have attached hidden desires to it. But it is only unpleasant in the first moment, for as soon as you really see it, already this true seeing reveals the absurdity and falseness of unfulfilled desires, and there is then the possibility of understanding that this is not your true desire.
You hope for something that will never be fulfilled. Hope is never fulfilled. Every hope is an illusion. So your situation is hopeless but not serious. Right now, there is That-Which-Is, and right now, you can find That-Which-Is to be everything you have searched for. Hope, however, is always directed toward sometime in the future, a “sometime” that does not exist.
Are you aware of what it means that everything creating some form of suffering is solely held on to by attaching desires to it you were not ready to realize until now?